Fear or Caution?

Last week one of my collegue came to me and we were on general discussion. she told me that by the time she reaches home, sometimes his 12yr old boy is trying to make soup/omlet for himself. she told me that its horrifying to think if he mishandles it. i was like..aww..right..its dangerous. she kept on saying how much she is trying to stop him from doing such things...and then with the intention to pass on some courage i said...thats fine..why dont you teach him how to ON/OFF the stove and make him aware of precautions & subsequences just in case of any mishap?? that would actually makes him cautious and he is enough old to understand & if you keep on warning just not to do anything with stove, one day or other out of curiosity he for sure tries to test his hands there and at that time having no knowledge effects. Over and above tell him its not his job to do such things, keep a couple of tens accessible to him and ask him to go out and buy whatever he wants if he is real hugry. She sighed...thought for a while and said, yes..thats a good idea and went back to her desk.

I was relaxed for being able to suggest something that could keep her at ease. but when i sat back, i felt like my innerself slapping me. Have i been practicing what i preached? Not really...to tell you all, i was very bold & daring (dealing with situations, not with emotions). There were times i all by myself handled things in a complete different place, i travelled all alone to US, stayed alone in a hotel, made my commute to office absolutely with NO support knowing no one there. People who knew me are in complete aweeee....because i never even travelled out of AP till that moment. There were times i worked upto 9pm in office, made my way to home which is 16KM away from office all by public transport and walked about 1.5km from busstop to the home in the late night. People at home used to get scared, but i wasn't. Kindaa dont care, nothing happens attitude. There were near misses wherein i could end up being in trouble, but i was bold enough to handle.I used to just beleive everyone and anyone and call it being positive. you know, i drive faster than hubby :)

but off late, to be specifically, after Roshu was born, i'm on the other extreme. now, given a chance, i wouldn't be able to do any of the above & ofcourse, i never ever say all i did was right. Caution could have been practiced. now i started to be over protective..Sanju & myself used to have a lot of fun before roshu was born, we two used to go for after office walks, visits to bakeries, shopping near by, etc etc..but now, i am paranoid.

enduko teleedu, teliyani bhayam. prathi daniki bhayapaduthunna...ammo ala avuthundemo, ammo ila avuthundemo ani. monna office nunchi intiki veldam ani bus stop ki naduchukuntoo vasthunte evaroo bike athanu venakki venakki tirigi choosukuntoo, bus stop ki velli agadu. naku full bhayam vesesindi, enduku vachina godava anukuni atuga auto velthunte aapi ekkesa...ippudu alochisthe anipisthundi antha avasaram emundi?? bus stop lo agithe agadu, pichi choopulu choosthe choosadu, anthaku minchi chuttoo antha mandi undaga em cheyyagaladu, ardham leni bhayam kakapothe. bus lo kooda evarayina na venaka venaka nilchuni unte teliyani bhayam, pichi kakapothe antha mandi unna bus lo evarayina em cheyyagalaru. maree perverted ayyi emayina pichi panulu chesthe, akkadi nunchee move on ayina avvali, kudarakapothe serious ga cheppali. anthe kanee bhayapadi manassanthi pogottukunte em vasthundi?? i'm working, i have to get on, i can't think of comforts where in i'm accompained with some one whenever i want to go out. alantappudu bhayam bhayam ante ela?? bhayapadi paripolem ga?

monnee madya ma peddamma chain evaro okaru bike meeda velthoo lagadaniki try chesaru, adi vinnaka inka bhayam. oka sari KFC ki veldam ante sare ani nenu, sanju naduchukuntoo velthunnam..adento na venaka nundee ye bike vellina naku gundello dada...nadichinanatha sepoo bhayame...prasantham ga undalekapoya..elano velli, akkadnunchee annayya ki call chesi pick up chesukomani cheppa. tarvatha nundee sanju bakery ki veldam, chat ki veldam ani aduguthoo unte, chinna (my bro) vachaka veldam nanna ani cheppi, tanu vachesariki late ayyi.. ila 3mnths nunchi teesukuni vellalekapoya. nenu ofc nunchi vachi tanani bayataki teesukuni velthe daniki adoka satisfaction. kanee na pichi bhayam tho teesukuni vellaleka pothunna. annitikee..eppatikee.. okari meeda adharapadi undalem ga?? ee roju just satisfaction matter kabatti, i'm able to convince her & postpone. repu compulsion avuthundi, appudu?? velladam aviod cheyyadam kanna, velletappudu precautions teesukuni, konchem manushulu ekkuva ga tirige road choose chesukuni...inka avasaram ayithe chain ki protective ga chunnee vesukuni vellali kanee, asalu vellakunda undatam enti pichi kakapothe?

office lo kooda anthe, naku evening snacks time ki evaroo todu undaru. my timings are odd. so akali vesthunna kanee, emayina tinadaniki okkadanne bayataki vellali ante edo bhayam. bhayam kadu actually, ento okka danne em veltham le anna feeling. kanee inko alternative ledu. inka ila kadu ani monna okkadanne bakery ki velli manchi ga burger tini, oka juice tagi vasthe entha happy ga anipinchindo. intha mathranikena rojoo nenu akali vesthunna kooda alane cabin lo koorchuntunnadi anukunna..its just a matter of few stares from strangers...but thats fine, i'm no longer worried about them.

ekkadayina child/woman abuse gurinchi chadivina, vinna bhayam. telisina pillalu life lo wrong step teesukunnaru ani telisthe bhayam. TV lo edayina choosthe bhayam. love issues lo attacks gurinchi choosthe bhayam. love fail ayyi suicide chesukunnavallani choosthe bhayam. hostels lo untoo wrong life style ki alavatu padina valla gurinchi vinte bhayam. accidents gurinchi vinte, robberies gurinchi vinte...annitikee bhayame.

But what do i acheive with it. Will world understand my fear and turn nice to me? World is always same. Its me who has to act smart and face it. I made my mind not to be scared of silly things. anything you reason it, if the fear associated stands out to be irrational, thats silly. For the rational fears, better practice the caution.

nenu ila bhayapaduthoo na pillalani 2 generations venakki teesukuni vellalenu kada.i cant set a wrong example.i want them to be bold, courageous, sensible. evarayina oka mata ante oka navvu navvi move on avvagalige balance vallaki undali. ala annavallu how much they matter to me ani alochinchukune telivi undali. they should be able to decide what to take in & what to throw out for their own good. I dont want them to grow as goody goody, so much dependent on parents, complain on petty fights..ooohoo...nope. i am happy if they turn to me for help and i for sure try my maximum to do it. but...they SHOULD know when to ask help. They cannot fear to go out, they have to get going. World doesn't stop for anyone. i cant restrict them at the cost of their beautiful future, but can only let them understand that this beautiful world do contain thorns. when i started to reason it, drilled it to the roots, majority of my fears paled out and for the other fears, i am able to find work arounds. i want my cuddles too grow up to think logical :) Unncesseray fear only makes them fit for nothing. For the rational fears that we have now, we know the precautions too.

Chill out renu...world out there isn't so bad. Its just a small proportion that causes troubles. learn how to handle and teach it back to kids. Yes, my responsiblity it is.